I thought I had food poisoning. Only it lasted 20 years. Maybe it was a perpetually sour stomach. The kind of nausea and stomach tied into knots that would double me over. Yet, it would lift, at times. It never seemed to bother me on a trip, for instance. In fact, if I look back and really think about it, there were plenty of times that my stomach was not in pain. And do you know? - I only just realized that my stomach was not my enemy, but my ally. I had mistaken a stomach ailment for what it actually was ... intuition.
Over the past few weeks, I have been feeling extra nauseous. I thought, oh no, here we go again. But today, after making some definitive choices, I didn't feel nauseous at all. Not one iota of a stomach jab.
As if a bright glimmer of truth broke through the dark, I realized that all through my life, whenever I would feel nauseous, I had attributed the queasiness to stress, when I now see, the pain would arise when I was not living true to my voice, my self, my truth.
Admittedly, I probably have a hyper sensitive aspect to my personality, which also causes my "gut" reaction to be accutely sensitized as well. But, I now understand it's not my burden, it's been my gift all this time. I just wasn't listening.
Why am I sharing this?
Because, I was not paying attention, and I dare say, you might be in the same boat. The guidance and answers I was seeking were coming at me full force, but I couldn't hear nor see them. Serendipitous interactions with like minded visionaries and lamp lighters all pointed to a greater plan - all saying, you're on the right path, honor your own sense of timing, stay true to your voice.
This morning, I travelled over to the Owl and Crow blog. Reading about Isis with the final words, reverberating throughout my being: What are you giving birth to? What needs to be restored and made whole? What are you feeding so that it can grow and flourish?
And all at once! - the pieces happily rushed together to form a bigger picture. That little sadness, that little angsty pain (which actually felt rather big, to be honest)... those were growing pains, the pains of giving birth to a new self, a new life, a new story, a new path. And I was dusting off my voice which i had oh so cleverly hidden in a treasure chest, restoring my courage, and my Roar!
All of that sadness makes sense. Shedding skin, saying goodbye to an old way of life. And the pain? Giving birth is a lot of work, right?
Finally, I saw a lovely post by Tama Kieves (Awakening Artistry), another mentor. It was the last bit of encouragement I needed:
"Just because you don’t have a plan, doesn’t mean you don’t have a destiny. Trust your instincts. Trust your love. Trust the force that compels your heart and makes certain desires more attractive than others. You do not need to know how to get there. You need to know you will."
Initially, I had these plans for this blog (and my life, in a way) that were not dissimilar to blogs you are probably already familiar with. I know many of them inspire me to be more crafty, garden more, breathe fresh air. But, every time I would sit down to write something about a simple do it yourself project, my stomach would jab me. Ow! As if it was saying, "Stop that! You need to be writing about the biggest DIY there is - CREATING A LIFE OF ONE'S DREAMS! Creating ones-self to be happy, blissful, purpose filled!"
Is that a little heavy? Yeah, sometimes.
I promise to balance it all out with a good dose of humor, travel stories, life anecdotes, gardening, eating, projects and all the other little pieces that give Joy to life.
I hope this is okay with you ;) . My stomach's not jabbing me, so maybe we're going to be A-OK.
Hugs on the journey,