Sometimes you just have to trust yourself so deeply that you risk everything just to move in a new direction, closer to your ideal. I remember when I started my theater group years ago in Atlanta, I would begin every staff meeting with, "We do it because of the "have to's".
As in ... I can't give up because so many people are relying on me, so I have to.
I can't lose hope, because I risked everything to have a better life, so I have to.
I can't throw in the towel, flip out, hide under my bed, run away, because I owe it my life's purpose to remain strong, so...
I have to.
I've found that life has a way of placing other people as part of our responsibility pool to encourage us to do things which we might otherwise not do for ourselves. I'm not sure why, but when our own happiness depends on taking risks and remaining hopeful despite seeming odds, we are not as willing to fight for ourselves and our dreams as we would if others were also depending on us.
I've also found that in taking risks, even if those initial risks don't pan out, something new is planted in us.
I can't tell you how many times I attempted something, and truly fumbled. Only with the passage of time, have I seen that at each fumble, I've been nudged in a direction, a path, and thereby encountered people and experiences I would not have found if I had remained safely in my routines.
Lately, when I feel myself grow discouraged, I take a deep breath and remind myself that things will work out. They always do. One day of dismal does not equal a lifetime of dismal.
"If not this, something better." A good mantra to play over and over in your mind ...
Over time, I've personally become less fearful, less likely to jump to the conclusion that things are falling apart when I have an off day. And I do have them. Everyone does. Some days are just like that.
The key is... to rest when it's a hibernation season, jump when it's an activity season, and never give up, to see a change in direction, or a disappointment as a sign that something really amazing, even more incredible than your previous wants, is just around the bend.
XO,
T
